


let me catch you

by legendsofglee



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Panic Attacks, Soft Ava Sharpe, Soft Sara Lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27518590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendsofglee/pseuds/legendsofglee
Summary: As soon as Ava was out of sight, Sara sighed heavily. She wanted to confide in Ava so badly-No, you're just a burden. Don't get her involved.Oh. Right. Never mind.
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	let me catch you

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to show the two sides of Sara's thoughts (in italics). the regular italics represent the "angel", while the bold italics represent the "devil". kind of like in cartoons where the "good side" is on one shoulder and the "bad side" is on the other.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

The sound of Mick's fingernails tapping on his beer bottle were ringing in Sara's head.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Of course he had to piss her off now, she was already anxious enough as it is.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Oh for fuck's sake, couldn't he...

"Shut up, Mick! Just shut the fuck up!" Sara stood up so aggressively that her chair almost tipped over backwards. She made eye contact with Mick for a mere second before realizing what she had just done. She went to storm out of the room, slightly embarrassed at her actions.

"Sorry," she said under her breath as she walked away, not meaning it in the slightest. Mick wondered if she was okay for a moment, then rolled his eyes and returned to tapping his bottle.

Sara's face felt hot. She felt like crawling into a corner and crying. Her normally steady hands began to shake as she fiddled with her thumbs to keep her mind busy. The weight of the world was resting on her chest. Struggling to take deep breaths, she stopped in the hall for a brief second. She knew what was happening, but she didn't want to face it. This happened many times in high school, and she couldn't face this again. Oh, fuck, she had to make this stop before it was too late.

* * *

Flashback (17 year old Sara Lance)

A pile of papers thicker than her pillow sat on the edge of her desk. The quickly approaching due dates for her assignments worried her which, of course, she refused to admit. No amount of homework could beat Sara Lance. Or so she thought...

_Okay, one essay down, two more to go. You have two hours before they're due, that's one essay per hour. You've got this, easy peasy! Just start with the psychology paper, that should be easy. Then move on to the history paper. No, wait, not history. You're not even in that class..._

Oh great, now she had to worry about her headache in addition to her schoolwork. Her head was spinning as her eyes tried to focus on the pencil sitting in front of her. She only had 1 hour and 57 minutes left, she had to push through. But how could she write two entire essays when her shaking hand couldn't even pick up her pencil? And why was she gasping for air? She felt like a weight was pushing down on her chest as she tried to take a deep breath. Oh no, not another one. She couldn't deal with another panic attack, not two in the same week. The realization of what was happening hit her hard, making her feel more dizzy than she already was.

_What do I do?_

Her lips began to tremble.

_Should I call-_

She stopped her thought in its tracks.

_No, I can't call Laurel, I don't want to bother her._

Pale as a ghost, she fought with herself about what to do...

_Just call her! She'll know what to do._

**_No, you're just a burden. Don't get her involved._ **

_She loves you, you know she would rush over in a heartbeat._

**_Leave her be, she has her own life._ **

_You don't have to suffer in silence, just ask for help._

**_You're weak. If you call Laurel, you're only admitting defeat._ **

Sara took out her phone and clicked on the green icon. Her thumb hovered over her sister's name, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't press the button. Her inner demons had won. Tears began to stream down her face as she clicked the power button and the screen faded to black. Tightly clutching her pillow, Sara cried herself to sleep, dreading the ever so certain F's she would receive for her unfinished papers.

* * *

Sara didn't know what to do. She had to calm down before someone noticed that something was wrong.

**_Fight. Hide your feelings and fight._ **

She picked up her two silver swords, that she had left laying out earlier, and tried to focus on her training. Sweat dripping down her back, she had forgotten all about her anxiety. At least for the time being.

Ava followed the sound of metal weapons clanging together down the hall, and into the cargo bay.

"Hey, babe, everything okay?" Ava asked the smaller blonde, who was focused on her training.

"Yea," Sara said as she caught her breath, "why?"

"Oh, no reason," Ava replied, marveled at the way she manipulated the swords with ease. "Just, Mick said you seemed a little off," she continued even though Sara hadn't looked her way once, "and that you mouthed off at him. Don't get me wrong, though, I bet he deserved it."

"Haha...yeah," Sara said without even stopping to return the smile on her girlfriend's face, "he sure did."

Ava watched her stern face as she sliced at the punching bag dangling from the ceiling.

"Sar, is something wrong? You've been at this for a while now-" She stepped closer, hoping Sara would stop fighting for a moment at her presence.

Sara cut her off, "Av, I'm fine, okay?" The sharp and cold tone in her voice was breaking through. She cracked a fake smile, to make up for her rude response, and kissed Ava on the cheek. "Just a few more minutes! You wouldn't want these abs to disappear, now would ya?" she said with a wink and a sly half smile.

"Mhm, definitely not," Ava giggled as she turned around and headed back down the hall to their room.

As soon as Ava was out of sight, Sara sighed heavily. She wanted to confide in Ava so badly-

_**No, you're just a burden. Don't get her involved.** _

Oh. Right. Never mind.

Sara tried to forget all of the day's stress by taking a shower, hoping that the steaming hot water would rinse away all of her worries. Her hopes were too high, though, as the smallest sounds began to irritate her. Each drop of water that hit the shower floor was amplified, like a thunderstorm in her head. The bar of soap slipped out of her hand, hitting the floor with a loud _bang._ Why was everything so...triggering? A small whimper came from her throat that she could not control.

**_You're such a baby. It's a bar of soap, not a gunshot! You're weak-_ **

Come on, she had to get over this. If only she could turn off her brain, for a little while, and have a few minutes to just...breathe.

Sara walked down the dimly lit path to her and Ava's bedroom, still on edge from the stress of the day. Her shaking hands and trembling breaths had yet to subside, leaving her worried that someone would notice. And by someone, she meant Ava. She couldn't let Ava see her like this. She had to be strong. After all, she was the White Canary.

"Hey, babe!" the taller blonde said, glancing up from her book at the sound of her girlfriend's footsteps. She was sitting on top of the covers with her back leaning against the headboard. Upon seeing her partner's beaming smile, a wave of guilt rushed over Sara.

_Please, just tell her._

**_No, don't hurt her._ **

_You can't push this away again._

**_You can't pour your suffering onto her._ **

"Hey..." Sara tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible, but the tremor in her voice alerted Ava that her first instinct was right. She was not okay.

The tears that had been welling up in Sara's eyes began to stream down her face. Trying to muffle the sound of her crying, she lifted one hand up to cover her mouth. Without missing a beat, Ava sprung up from the bed and rushed over to her.

"Sar, honey, it's okay, it's okay," Ava repeated as she let the smaller blonde fall into her arms. She held Sara's head close to her chest as she cried, hoping that her embrace would be enough to make her feel safe.

"Av...I'm not okay," Sara managed to say through her trembling breaths. How could she let it get this bad again? She had gotten so used to hiding her feelings that she forgot how to handle them. Ava would never think of her the same way again now that she was falling apart right in front of her eyes.

"Babe, I'm here, okay? I'm right here," Ava reassured her as she squeezed her tight.

Sara gazed into Ava's comforting eyes with her own teary ones. She could feel her worries start to melt away. At this moment, she felt safe. She finally felt like she could breathe. Ava's warm voice filled her with hope:

"I've got you."


End file.
